Let me tell you a little secret: it's nothing like the movies.
"What?" you say , "you mean they're worse than what I see in the movies?"
No, my friend. They're better.
(Gasp: but that's impossible!)
And then you would be right.
Let me explain. The first day of the year is, ironically, the best day of the year. This day, and ONLY on this day, they are better than what you see in the movies. The little devils in disguise arrive at 8:30 on the dot (not 8:45, or 9:20, which is more customary throughout the rest of the year), all sprightly and on their best behavior. They say "excuse me please" rather than the more typical, (add head, hand, and eye rolling,)"excuuuuse you." They say please, they say thank you, they wait their turn in line. There are no fights. Far from it, there is indeed civility and respect.
And for the first and last time in a while, all eyes look at me for the entire day.
When the 4th grade teachers looked at my class list before the start of school, I heard a lot of, "Oh man, you have Justin? Oh shit, and Andy?! You know they can't be in the same room together."
"Oh no way, you're stuck with Alice too? That sucks. Especially since you also have Nealen."
"Oh God, not DeVon. He's awful. And Ovil too? You're screwed."
Great.
What's most fascinating about this particular First Day of School 2009 are the following:
1) Justin and Andy, the two evil children plaguing teachers for years, causing veteran teachers to meltdown, bringing razor blades to school, fighting, touching their wee-wees (list goes on), were the two most cooperative and helpful people in the classroom today.
How long will that last? I'm taking wagers, starting at two days. Anyone else?
2) Ovil can't read. Or write. Period.
Wait, I chose to teach 5th grade right? You know, the grade where kids read books like The Chronicles of Narnia, or Number the Stars. The grade where kids can read and follow directions by themselves without asking a million questions. The grade where you can be sarcastic and they actually get the joke. But teaching a kid short and long vowel sounds? REALLY? SERIOUSLY? Is this some kind of sick joke? I mean, the kid couldn't complete any of the handouts! He couldn't complete the All About Me Survey. He couldn't complete the 10 Positive Character Traits worksheet. He couldn't write an acrostic poem using his name. And that's all 5th grade is! Handouts, handouts, and more handouts! How will he do his homework? He can't even fill out his nightly reading log because ... he CAN'T READ! How many pages read? NONE!
Maybe I'll stick him in a 1st grade class for a day. Or the rest of the year. He's small... they'd never know...
Day 1 is over, the best has passed. And now I descend into the hellish abyss that is the school year.
Welcome!
- Mystery Me
- I started writing this blog in 2008, toward the end of my first year of teaching. These posts about my experiences as an NYC Department of Education teacher have been (and continue to be) assembled over a period of several years. They don't necessarily need to be read in chronological order, but my very first post, "Context" (March 2008) might be useful as an introduction into this lunacy. While most of my stories highlight the ridiculousness of being a public school teacher, I should note that I love my students and care deeply for them. So as you read, please keep in mind that I do in fact have a soul, as well as a heart; and that heart of mine brims with pride every time I think about my students' talents and breaks with pain every time another one gets screwed by the system.
No comments:
Post a Comment