I first realized Mildred couldn't subtract in early October. Mildred, a very fat, big, saggy-boobed 4th grader with brown teeth and gnarly cornrows couldn't subtract 4-1.
Ok, that was a problem. So I spent some time tutoring her one-to-one:
Me: "Mildred, count backwards from 5 for me."
Her: 5....6....
Me: No, no... BACKwards...
Her: 5....6....
Me: Ok, let's try this: count up to 5 for me
Her: 1,2,3,4,5
Me: AWESOME! Now, what was the number you said righhttt before "5"?
Her: ...6...?
Me: Shit.
Me: (I draw a number line that has 1 thru 5 on it.) Mildred, write a number for me that's bigger than 5.
Mildred draws the number 5.... BIGGER.
Me: Shit, you're right, I was unclear.. write a number that's GREATER than 5.
Mildred gives up, confused.
Me: Jesus Christ.
Now I hand her 5 starburst and I give myself 23.
Me: Mildred, count all of these...
(She does this successfully)
Me: Now, be careful... who has more... me or you?
Mildred: It's the same.
Me: (thinking:) ITS THE SAME?!?!? ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND TOOO!?!?
Me: ok let's try that again.... Now, pretend that you're STARVING! And all you want to do is stuff your face with as much food as possible. Would you rather take the 5 starburst, or would you rather take allll 23?
Mildred: Well, I think its the same.
Me: Wait, you're saying you would take either, they're the same to you?
Mildred: Yea.
That was when I realized she needed to be in special ed class. FAST.
Welcome!
- Mystery Me
- I started writing this blog in 2008, toward the end of my first year of teaching. These posts about my experiences as an NYC Department of Education teacher have been (and continue to be) assembled over a period of several years. They don't necessarily need to be read in chronological order, but my very first post, "Context" (March 2008) might be useful as an introduction into this lunacy. While most of my stories highlight the ridiculousness of being a public school teacher, I should note that I love my students and care deeply for them. So as you read, please keep in mind that I do in fact have a soul, as well as a heart; and that heart of mine brims with pride every time I think about my students' talents and breaks with pain every time another one gets screwed by the system.
