DeJuan is my favorite kid in class. By far. He has so many nicknames I need to keep lists of them. My three favorites: Pip-squeak, Oompa-Loompa, and Pillsbury Dough Boy.
He has the roundest, cutest chipmunk cheeks in the universe. From time to time, I swear chestnut crumbs fall from his mouth onto his desk. His lips are the color of a cherry coral, and his short little body is identical to that of the Pillsbury Dough Boy. He has grimy, fat, little fingers-- you know-- the kind you imagine Gretel had when the witch finally decided she was plump enough to eat; and when I poked him square in the belly-button today, a sound reminiscent of my dog's squeaky toy was emitted from his cute little, baby-tooth-smiling mouth.
On several occasions, I find myself having ridiculous urges to eat him or to pick him up and swing him around my body in a graceful spin move as if I was Brian Boitano and he was my Christie Yamaguchi. Other times, I hold the top of his head in my palm (he's right at elbow height, its perfect) and refuse to let go. On more than one occasion, I've found it eerily enjoyable to stick my pencil up his nose and in his ears. And when he gets really upset about something, he bows his head so low that he can't walk straight without running into something. He has the most endearing pout I have ever seen, and I can only be mad at him for about the 3 seconds that I'm yelling, and in the snap of your fingers, my anger turns into laughter, as I look at his puppy-dog eyes, chipmunk cheeks, and fat bottom lip.
Whenever this happens, (and believe me, my anger gives way to a disturbing, eerie kind of cackling laughter more than it should), my class looks utterly perplexed. I revel in their confusion, milk their perception of me as a lunatic who's about to go off the deep end at any minute, and continue on my merry way.
Welcome!
- Mystery Me
- I started writing this blog in 2008, toward the end of my first year of teaching. These posts about my experiences as an NYC Department of Education teacher have been (and continue to be) assembled over a period of several years. They don't necessarily need to be read in chronological order, but my very first post, "Context" (March 2008) might be useful as an introduction into this lunacy. While most of my stories highlight the ridiculousness of being a public school teacher, I should note that I love my students and care deeply for them. So as you read, please keep in mind that I do in fact have a soul, as well as a heart; and that heart of mine brims with pride every time I think about my students' talents and breaks with pain every time another one gets screwed by the system.
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